Why I’m Thinking About Retiring Abroad
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re actively planning for retirement. We may even be roughly the same age, i.e., late 50s. Like me, you may have realized it’s better to retire “early,” while you still have your health and mobility. And perhaps, also like me, you’re seriously considering retiring—full-time or part-time—to another country.
In this post, I want to explore why people consider this option and what the mental challenges are, especially if you’re moving abroad at the same time you stop working.
From “Work Until 65” to “Maybe I Should Stop”
Like most Gen X’ers, I was fully prepared to be carried out on my shield. I was going to work until at least 65, come hell or high water. Until very recently, I had never even considered retirement. Work, whether I enjoyed it or not, was just something I did. Grin and bear it.
I’ve been working for 41 years. For the past 24, especially, I’ve put up with whatever I had to to ensure the well-being of my kids: sports, travel, private schools, great universities. In the meantime, I was fairly uncomfortable spending money on myself. Spending on my kids, on the other hand, felt like an investment in their future.
Over the past few years, though, several things happened that forced me to rethink this script and start prioritizing myself—and that’s where the idea of retirement came in.
What Changed: Family, Health, Mortality, Travel
Kids becoming independent
My daughter graduated from her master’s program and my son is halfway through his bachelor’s. They’re out of the house and almost autonomous. That “primary provider” phase of my life is winding down.
Health scare
A few years ago, I hit a brick wall in the form of a total physical breakdown caused by burnout. My mind didn’t give out, so my body/subconscious decided to pull the plug. I spent months recovering and had ample time to contemplate my priorities and mortality.
Losing people my age
Last year, too many people I knew in their early 50s passed away. One of them was very close to me. All of their deaths were, in their own way, unexpected. Combined with my health scare, it underlined that my time here is short, and good health is never to be taken for granted.
Seeing Southeast Asia with new eyes
I also took a series of trips across Southeast Asia. It wasn’t my first time in the region, but it was the first time I began to look at these countries as possible locations for my “3rd act.” It was also the first time I seriously thought about putting an actual date on my retirement.
My Current Situation (And Why Moving Was Always Likely)
I live in one of the highest GDP per capita countries in Europe. The cost of living is quite high by any standard. The only things that are relatively cheap are gas (current Iran situation excluded) and booze. I’ve always assumed I’d move away from this country, at least part of the year, when I retired.
I have friends and acquaintances here, but no family. I don’t think my kids are likely to come back here to live any time soon. Visit their mom and me, yes, but live here, probably not. I’m divorced, and last year I broke up with my latest girlfriend.
So, moving away to another country was always part of the plan. Part of that is economic: I’ll obviously choose a country or countries that are relatively cheap to live in. Just as importantly, though, it’s driven by a sense of adventure. The opportunity to learn new languages and experience new things is equally motivating.
I used to be painfully shy, but with age I’ve become much more comfortable in my own skin. I can meet people, particularly women, and make acquaintances relatively easily. I’m also fine with traveling and spending time by myself. Sometimes solo travel is liberating; you do what you want, when you want.
The Double Shock: Retirement + Moving Country
But—and this is the main point of this post—I’m under no illusions that moving part of the year to, say, Spain and/or Southeast Asia will be easy. Moving to a new country is never easy. For better or worse, I have a lot of experience in this arena.
If you move to another country directly after retiring, you’re setting yourself up for two major shocks at the same time:
- Culture shock
- “Retirement” shock
That’s a lot to unpack at once. I’m not saying it’s impossible or ill-advised, but you do need to prepare yourself psychologically.
Culture Shock: It’s Real, Even If You’re “Experienced”
If you’ve been following my blog since the early days, you know I’ve discussed culture shock from many angles. One of my first posts was about what culture shock is and how best to deal with it. It was, if I do say so myself, a pretty good piece of original writing that gave some useful, hard-won advice. It actually got a lot of shares and a decent amount of reads (which gave me unrealistic expectations for later posts, alas…).
In that piece, I described the normal emotional states one encounters when moving to a new country. Lately, I’ve been perusing YouTube videos about retiring to the various countries I’m considering. Every single one of them includes some version of “living in a country is different from going there on vacation.” It’s almost like the silly disclaimers on TV about not trying dangerous stunts at home.
Even if you’ve never lived abroad, it should be blindingly obvious—but it’s still a good reminder. There will be good days and bad days. It’s an emotional roller-coaster at first. The trick is knowing that this is normal, and that if you lean into it and keep making forward progress, the ride gets smoother.
Feeling disconnected, disoriented, and sometimes lonely is not pleasant. But there are ways to incrementally remedy these feelings. You’ll get your sea legs; just know it’s a process.
Pride goeth before the fall
As I said, I’ve lived in an above-average number of countries, so I’m familiar with the process. I’m also very aware that this experience is not a vaccine. It doesn’t mean I get a “pass” if I move to, say, Malaysia. I’ll be just as disoriented as the next foreigner.
Being humble and expecting culture shock is much better than being cocky and thinking you’re an exception. It’s the difference between rolling with a wave or being knocked over by it.
Retirement Shock: Identity, Routine, and Ego
Retirement shock is the piece I haven’t personally gone through yet. So, no grand wisdom here—just observations and self-awareness.
I’ve seen many people fall apart after retiring. I think it boils down to two big questions:
- How much is your ego invested in your work?
- How intentional are you about building a meaningful routine once you stop?
I’m self-aware enough to know my feeling of self-worth is not dependent on my job. Honestly, my competition results are more tied to my self-worth than my work…lol. Still, I shouldn’t be cocky about having a meaningful routine and social circle after retirement.
I’ve found in my travels that hitting serious powerlifting gyms in various countries is an excellent way of meeting people. Training 3–4 times a week, nevertheless, does not a full routine nor a full social circle make. I think it means pushing beyond one’s comfort zone to find other interests and meet new types of people.
If my retirement consists of going to the gym and, I don’t know, hanging out at a bar a few nights a week, that’s a pretty depressing picture. Language classes will be key for at least the first year, if not longer. Incidentally, they’re also not a bad way to meet people.
Dating, Culture, and Not Becoming “That Foreigner”
One of the most effective ways of learning a new culture and language is via, and because of, a romantic interest. If, like me, you’re likely to be single when you retire, then your choice of countries may well be influenced by your chances of meeting a partner there.
That’s fine—there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that—as long as it’s not the only criterion.
Readers of my earlier posts may remember my descriptions of multicultural dating. Worthwhile? Absolutely. Challenging? Also absolutely. It’s a topic worthy of a very long post on its own.
For now, the byword is this: if you plan on dating in your new country or city, be honest and considerate. Unless you’re moving to a major metropolis, you will be a “notable” person in the community simply because you’re different (culture, language, and possibly race, etc.).
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen foreigners arrive in countries I’ve lived in and treat the dating pool as a cesspool. Reputations—especially bad ones—are made very quickly, and word spreads, mon ami. Your red-hot dating streak can end very suddenly if you’re not acting like a decent human being.
Anyway, these are exciting prospects. What about you, have you considered retiring to another country. If so, where, and why?
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